Alex (35), was considering going home for the holidays for the first time in several years. Her biggest concern was how difficult it was to be around her father. Early on in her sessions at Stand InBalance she’d identified one of the horses as being just like her father: “a mean, self-centered bully.” She often wanted to connect with this horse but ended up being tense and angry around him. She stated, “I can not accomplish anything with that horse, I’m sick of him!”
After a few weeks, the therapist asked Alex to pause and observe the horses in the arena. She encouraged Alex to center herself in the present moment and shift her perspective of each horse to see if she noticed anything new or became aware of another way they could be seen. Alex was especially focused on her “father.” As she watched him interact with the other horses she noticed that the behaviors she’d initially attributed to him as being “mean and self-centered” could be seen as playfulness, attention seeking, and a naïve disregard of boundaries.
Alex began to see how she had been experiencing her father’s actions as personal and persecutory. As she shifted her perspective she also became aware of her father’s desire to be playful, his need for attention and validation, and his difficulty honoring the boundaries of others. This slight shift helped Alex see her father for who he was, rather than who she wanted him to be, and she was able to release enough of her resentment to attend, and even enjoy, a holiday dinner at her parent’s house.
When we take a moment to notice the multitude of different ways to perceive something, we begin to utilize flexibility and cultivate empathy. Through awareness we learn; through working to shift old patterns of behavior we grow; through cultivating empathy and compassion we can create change in ourselves and others.
Change your perspective:
- Step back and look with fresh eyes
- Be curious & stop making assumptions
- Stay in the present moment
- Recognize that no one is all good or all bad
- Take a walk
- Notice how you are showing up in the world and be the change you want to see
- Make a conscious effort to let go of judgments and resentments
- Take a deep breath
- Practice mindfulness and meditation
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