Horses LOVE to take care of themselves. They sleep whenever they want, they play whenever they want, and they look to each other for shared grooming time. The health of the herd depends on how each individual horse takes care of themselves. Equines natural survival instincts insist that they care for themselves and they have the freedom to do so without questioning it or judging it!
How often do you find yourself in some kind of debate about whether or not you should take a day off, or schedule that much needed massage? More often than not, we tend to put ourselves last, not realizing just how important our own well-being is in order for our best Selves to show up in our lives. Witholding love from ourselves, only leads to less love to give others. The sooner we can realize that fact and start taking care of ourselves without feeling guilty or unworthy, the more everyone benefits from it.
Lisa* brought her young son, who was struggling with Autism and ADHD, to Stand InBalance for help with his emotional regulation. During his first session, Lisa joined him to meet and greet all of the horses and donkeys. While doing so, one donkey in particular kept inserting himself into their interactions. He would come in between them and whatever equine they were with at the time —and then slowly but very deliberately back his rear end up to her. Lisa recognized that he wasn’t doing this aggressively; rather, he was being very insistent about it. Finally, it occurred to her that he just wanted a good rump scratching and so she gave it to him. “He sure knows how to get what he needs.” Lisa remarked. Once satisfied, the donkey let Lisa and her son visit with other equines uninterrupted.
Later in the session, one of the horses came up to Lisa and started rubbing her head up and down Lisa’s body. We asked Lisa, “What do you think she wants from you?”
“I guess a good brushing” she replied.
We offered her a brush and she got started. After a few minutes, Lisa realized that the horse had fallen asleep. “I know how she feels” Lisa said.
“What do you mean?” we asked.
Lisa went on to explain that last week she was so exhausted that she found herself asleep among a heap of laundry and unable to remember what day of the week it was. She was overwhelmed by her sons hectic schedule, as well as his emotional states, and realized she basically hadn’t slept since he had started school. “I just can’t afford to take time for myself right now because I have more important things to take care of…. I need to focus on what matters most, my needs can take a backseat.”
We asked how her well-being had been since she’d started putting her needs last. Lisa reflected that it actually really hadn’t been good.
“I’ve just been in a state of go, go go. I haven’t really even noticed my feelings, except for yesterday when I snapped at my son because he wasn’t moving fast enough to get to school on time.” In fact, Lisa confessed that there had been a lot of tension and resentment building up over the last couple of weeks and she hadn’t been able to be as patient or loving as she had wanted to be with the people who were closest to her.
“I feel like I’ve just totally lost touch with myself and I guess it really isn’t working. I’m so tired and stressed and I don’t even feel like myself.” Just then her horse woke up and let out a big exhale. Lisa laughed.
“What are you thinking now?” we inquired.
“That I guess it might be more worth it to take better care of myself that I realized. Like these guys do.” Lisa gestured at her horse, and as if on cue, the horse she was brushing walked away from Lisa and proceeded to lay down for a good roll. Then a donkey went down, too, and another horse joined them, like dominos, reminding Lisa that when one of them takes good care of themselves, everybody benefits.
“Ok, ok. I get the point!” Lisa laughed.
If a donkey feels like a scratch, they will find a way to get it. If a horse feels like taking a rest they will just sleep. We humans often feel like we aren’t worthy of taking care of ourselves or putting ourselves first. But in actuality, if we can learn to love ourselves, no matter what else is going on, not only are we more likely to take better care of ourselves, which leads to us being able to show up as our best Selves for others, we can also inspire others to love themselves, too.
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