“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” ― Nelson Mandela
Life can be tough. There are so many levels and layers of the human experience that we go through as individuals and as a collective society, and all of it is constantly changing and evolving. We go through so many ups and downs, eras and chapters of existence – the triumphs, the disappointments, the surprises, the mistakes, the “failures”, the lessons, the joys, the beauty, the love, the hurt, the hopes, the fears and the dreams. This duality is what makes up our lives – the light and the dark, the “good” and the “bad”. With all of the fullness and opportunities that life brings, there are also plenty of opportunities for things to “go wrong” and there really is no avoiding it. It is inevitable. So, what keeps us going through the dark times to get us to the light on the other side? RESILIENCE.
Resilience is the ability to adapt, recover, and grow stronger in the face of adversity, stress, or trauma. Whether it’s mental, physical or emotional, resilience is a part of our human nature. In fact, we can look to nature itself as the perfect example of resilience. The cycle of seasons shows us the harmony that comes with natural transformation and renewal. It’s a process of letting go of what was and stepping fully into what is now, only to let that go and step into the next moment as it passes.
Nature shows us that there is a necessary time and place for each facet of the life cycle. Starting with the quiet bareness of winter, perfect for turning inward, recovering, patiently waiting, resting, hibernating, healing and grounding. We then move to Spring as we begin prepare for growth, planting seeds, getting ready, being creative, making plans and beginning. In the Summer, the energy increases even more as the Sun brings its energetic fire and we move into a period of blooming, full expression, bounty, action, sunshine, warmth, heat, fire, abundance and activity. Then, just as we reach the peak, the height of production, Fall comes and it’s time to harvest what we’ve grown and use it, to acknowledge everything that’s come to fruition and then to let it go and make our way back to winter, to rest and recovery, so that we are strong enough to start it all over again the next cycle.
These cycles are everywhere in life – not just in the seasons but in each day, each week or month – in the course of a project at work, a relationship or a phase of life. Resilience is the natural order of things. In the natural world, life will always continue, even after fires and floods, destruction and death, there will always be renewal and rebirth.
So, how do we, as modern day humans, with our agendas, goals and dreams, find our natural resilience when it feels like the world is falling apart? Like most things, it is a practice. It takes focus, commitment, self awareness and choice, but the more we practice, the more we are able to tap into our natural resilience. Like any practice there are actionable steps you can take to help foster and grow your resilience. It is already within you, but these suggestions can help you uncover and strengthen your innate resilience.
Read on for our 11 step roadmap to resilience.
#1 – Rest and Recover. If you’ve had a setback, it is crucial to rest. Whether in the case of a physical injury, emotional trauma or any big event that forces you to stop what you were doing; allowing time and space for rest is incredibly important. Even when things seem to be going along swimmingly, rest and restful moments are equally as important to keep you going! Everything benefits from rest, whether it’s a long deep respite when reserves are tapped or short breaks to rejuvenate and propel us forward. We must create and maintain balance between expending energy and restoring it.
When we rest, we are cultivating the energy of allowing – allowing space, allowing quiet, allowing freedom, allowing healing, allowing simplicity, allowing clarity, allowing renewal, allowing grace, allowing truth, allowing love, allowing inner wisdom. Truly allowing a state of rest means we LET things happen FOR us as opposed to trying or forcing or controlling; it also means being OK with “nothing” happening at all. It can take patience to surrender to true rest, but it is always worth it. Once we’ve rested, we not only have more energy but we have more clarity, perspective, wisdom, strength and direction – we have regained everything that we’ve allowed to naturally return to us, resourced and recharged. Rest is a powerful choice and there is great power in resting.
#2 – Connect with Renewal. Life is not stagnant, change is all around us and renewal is a constant law of the universe. We see it everywhere – in nature, in our own bodies, our breath, in the passage of time. Everything keeps moving forward, ebbing and flowing like the ocean. This can be a stressful concept or a liberating and empowering one, depending on how we look at it. When we stop to realize and remember that the present moment is constantly starting over and renewing itself we become aware of opportunity and infinite possibility. Each moment has the opportunity for something new to be born. Every second, every blink of the eye, every breath. This energy never stops. It never stops flowing – it only changes and transforms. So, when you feel stuck or stopped by the pitfalls of life, tap into this unlimited energy source and allow yourself to start anew. All you need to do is remember and recognize that this present moment that you are in is a brand new moment, and so is this next one, and this one, and now. Forever and ever renewed.
#3 – Listen for your Intuition. We have to know where we are in order to get where we want to go. If we are moving too fast, we can easily miss important cues from our inner wisdom. We must keep checking back in with ourselves to see how we’re doing along the way. Take regular moments to practice mindfulness and pay attention to what you are doing, what you are saying, how you are feeling physically, emotionally or otherwise. When we become hyper focused or get blinded by a goal, we can easily ignore important information from our intuition about the best course of action. But if we take time to listen to ourselves and what our gut instincts are telling us, we can find guidance and make informed healthy choices about when to take a break, shift gears, let go, or press forward. The more we pay attention to ourselves the easier it is to hear our intuition.
#4 – Love Yourself. Taking good care of yourself and maintaining a positive relationship with yourself is a great way to strengthen your resilience. Life is hard enough as it is without making yourself your own enemy. Be kind to yourself! Give yourself the love and respect that you need and deserve. Sure, you might have made a mistake or done something you regret; it’s important to recognize and own any mistakes made in order to learn from them, but that’s as far as it should go. Give yourself grace and the opportunity to make any necessary changes, while acknowledging the things you ARE doing and what IS working for you. Give yourself credit for the all of the good parts of you and focus on your strengths. Say nice things to yourself, out loud or in your head. Take care of your body, your mind and your heart. If you learn how to love yourself and be there for yourself, then you will always have someone in your corner cheering you on when things get rough – YOU!
#5 – Let Go. The first step to moving forward is letting go. We have to accept whatever has happened in order to transform it. Sometimes, it can be hard to accept things that we wish were different, but not accepting reality and avoiding it actually stops any progress or change for the better from happening. We get stuck. Sometimes we hold on because we want to feel in control, but letting go of things we don’t have control over frees up the space to pay attention to what we DO have control over — our choices and what we do next. So, accept what is….let it go, forgive the situation or yourself if necessary, so you can be ready for what is next. This is resilience.
#6 – Open to Possibility. Resilience comes from being open and continuing to reach towards the future. Having an open mind, being open to the unknown, to options we may have not even thought of, creates space, energy and momentum to move forward. Even if we don’t know where we are headed, knowing that there are infinite possibilities for the future can help us move towards something. Letting go of expectations and being ok with allowing mystery and surprise to have a roll in things can make the transitions easier when things might not go as planned. Realize that there may be another, better plan, and if not, there are always more possibilities that lie beyond the next. Be open.
#7 – Find value in Everything. Every moment on this Earth is precious and valuable. No matter how it’s spent, no matter what happened. It is all life and all of life is sacred. The more we can recognize this, the more we learn to accept that the moments we dislike also have value. We learn from our experiences – good or bad. Often times the “bad” experiences have more impact and teach us even more – about ourselves, about what we would change or do differently, about how we got through it and so on. When we start seeing every experience (good or bad) as an opportunity for learning and for growth, it changes the way we view life. Seeing challenges as opportunities for future growth can give us strength and purpose when things get rough.
#8 – One step at a time. Yard by yard, life is hard but inch by inch, it’s a cinch! Facing a big challenge can be totally overwhelming and paralyzing, especially when we think about tackling it all at once. Instead, stay in the moment. Do what you can and focus on one step at a time. The important thing is to take some action to get started and then to keep going. No matter how small the steps may be, they will add up, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself gaining more and more momentum as you move along at whatever pace is best for you.
#9 – Get Support. You don’t have to do it all alone! Ask for help, seek support and lean on that support when you need to. Support yourself with the self-care of seeking support from others. Just like our equines, we humans are social beings and we can accomplish so much more when we work together as a team. The give and take of helping others and allowing them to help you multiplies what we are capable of. Friends, family and loved ones are often just as invested in our well-being as we are and want to offer help and support — so be sure to ask for it. Seeking professional help and guidance is also a great way to support yourself – take advantage of those that have expertise. Knowing that you have a strong support system can help strengthen and motivate you by feeling that you don’t have to face all of your challenges alone.
#10 – Align yourself with purpose. A guiding light is necessary to see your way through the dark. Having something to focus on, to keep us going, is an essential part of maintaining resilience. When we have clear purpose and intention, we have something we can reach towards. Something to focus on when times get hard. Having deep commitment to our purpose gives us the strength to get through challenge – to know and remember that what we are working towards is more important than any roadblocks we face. Whatever your purpose and intention may be – love, compassion, kindness, integrity, gratitude, justice, truth, hope – let it be clear and simple and speak to your heart so that it will be easy to find and to follow out of even the darkest of times.
#11 – Trust. Have Faith in something. It could be a higher power, it could be nature, it could be humanity, it could be LOVE, it could be yourself, it could be all of the above, but whatever it is have something to believe in and trust it. Trust gives us strength to keep going even when it’s scary or hard or painful. Faith gives us confidence, an extra sense of safety and something, magical and mystical to rely on. There is power beyond our physical world in the invisible realm of trust – use it. It is a bridge to the other side when the bottom falls out. If you’re having trouble trusting, start with hope and let it lead you there.
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