In the Fall of 2022, we lost our dear, sweet and sensitive Cosmo. A high ranking elder of the herd with a style all his own, Cosmo came from an eventing background — he was a talented thoroughbred with an attitude. Cosmo’s “horse sense” was to teach you to be mindful, to be authentic and to check in not only with him but with yourself. He insisted that you listen. That you slow down. That you connect with your own heart first in order to connect with his.
If you ever met Cosmo you might have been told to watch his cues and especially his back left. He had a way of cocking up his back leg as a warning of things to come if you kept trying his patience. It was patience he needed us to learn, for him and ourselves; because underneath a sometimes prickly exterior laid a very kind soul and a strong and loving heart. Dr. Natasha coined the phrase years ago, “Cosmolove”. It’s the special moment that happens after spending time trying to break through his protective exterior and feeling frustrated that you might never succeed. Cosmolove would only emerge when you finally let go of the loud, busy thoughts, the worry it wouldn’t happen, and the pushing and forcing to try and make it happen. It’s at that moment that he would let you in, exactly when it would make the most impact. Perfect timing, perfect teacher. It’s like magic…literally Cosmic, if you will.
Cosmo never gave up on anything. He suffered from a condition called Lymphangitis, an immune system condition that caused swelling in his legs. As he got older this meant an episode at least once or twice a year. Sometimes it was so bad that we had to ask him to stand with his rear leg in a trash can filled with ice-water — he had to be patient and we had to be patient. Even during all of the hard times, there was a solid space of connection and gratitude, it was Cosmolove.
We thought many times that we might lose him and prepared ourselves, but he kept coming back, giving us more and more time with him. All of it was a gift. His determination and courage to do the impossible was fueled by our encouragement for him. He literally lived to his last day because he wanted to and when he was ready to say goodbye he was as clear as day. He could hardly walk but he made it over to the herd and they silently stood around him, supporting him in his transition and saying their goodbyes.
Cosmo was especially valuable in relating to many of our wounded clients and veterans. A shared understanding of the struggles of physical and emotional pain was a support to those he worked with, silently reminding them that they were not alone in their trials. Cosmo was unique, always motivated to keep moving forward while simultaneously reminding us to stop and listen. “I’m showing you my head because that’s where I’d like us to start. Just at the top there, good, now take a breath…we’ll get where we need to be in due time. But for now, let’s just be here.”
His mate and dearest love was our lead mare, Condina, who transitioned in July of 2021. We all worried about what Cosmo’s grief and reaction to her passing would be like, especially considering his ailments and age. But as we gathered around Condina in her last moments, filled to the brim with emotion, it was Cosmo who very softly and casually ate hay near by, took deep breaths then moved around to each of us, as if to remind us of that death, too, is a natural part of life.
We will sorely miss our Cosmo, but we will carry the gifts and the lessons that he taught us with us. When we stop and listen to our hearts, we will find him there, too.
If you’d like to make a gift in Cosmo’s memory, donations can be made to the Equipowerment Foundation for Healing Horses and Helping Humans.
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Awe I wept when I received this newsletter this morning . Cosmo had completely changed the course of my life in such a profound way , that he still live’s in my heart. I am forever grateful for his presence . I looked forward to being with him every week . It was the highlight of my week to spend time looking deeper within with his help. I was in such fear being around large animals, but the pull to be with them was stronger and so I kept coming every week making the drive out to stand in balance. One of these mornings during our time together I was talking to my therapist , Cosmo bit my shoulder. I think I still have a tiny mark there. It Hurt !! but it got my attention , to pay attention , to be present in my body , to pay attention to who is around. To focus and slow down. To listen. I now love this tiny mark for the reminder. It will be his forever place on my body that I will note as an Angel that I carry . Today I am a proud horse mom of three beautiful equine’s. I was so terrified to even clean a hoof!! Thank you Cosmo , thank you for your profound effect on me, thank you for your connection , thank you for your imprint, thank you for precious minutes spent with me. I was so lucky. Goodbye Friend, I will tune into you often to say hello and keep your photo where I can see you and we can still continue listening … and with deep love and appreciation to Stand in Balance who opened up such a beautiful space inside me , to uncover this profound love of the Horse. With love- Michelle