Anna* came to Stand InBalance with the goal of being more assertive in her life, particularly in her marriage. She was having a hard time expressing her needs, because she believed that people would think she was bossy, and she didn’t want to upset anyone or be seen in a bad light.
Anna chose to work with Bubba, one of our friendliest donkeys, and was leading him around the arena pretty successfully. She then decided to try taking him through an obstacle course. Initially, Bubba and Anna were smoothly moving through the course, then Bubba abruptly stopped and planted his feet. Anna immediately blurted out “Oh no, I’m messing it all up!”
We checked in with Anna about what had happened. “It was going well ….then I thought this seems too good to be true, I hope he doesn’t mind doing this with me —then he stopped. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to ruin the connection we have by asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do. I want him to like me”.
After taking some time to process her beliefs and their impact, Anna took some deep breaths. She gave Bubba some loving ear scratches and she started to walk but Bubba didn’t budge. Anna looked over and said she wasn’t sure how to get him moving again.
“Is there anything that could help you feel more comfortable asserting yourself?” we asked.
“If I knew that it was OK for me to ask for what I want and that I wouldn’t mess everything up.”
“Ok, well what if you try really believing the part of you that knows it is okay; that it is perfectly OK for you to have your own needs, desires and feelings and to let others know what they are…and you won’t know how they will respond until you are clear in your request.”
Anna considered this approach. “Hmmm, yeah. I guess you are right. My husband has told me that he wants to know. It is just an old fear that I keep believing that things are going to end up badly.” As Anna was talking, Bubba stepped closer to her. “I’ll give it a try!” Anna took a deep breath and said “Come on Bubba, I want to go over here and I’d like you to please come with me — Let’s go!” Anna began walking again and Bubba followed, easy as that.
At the end of session, we reflected on how clearly Bubba had let Anna know that old beliefs were stopping her from creating the changes she craved. When she changed her thoughts and recommitted to what she wanted, Bubba followed along happily and Anna got to experience how wonderful it felt to assert her needs and desires!
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