While the holidays bring opportunities to reconnect with loved ones and share family traditions, stressful family dynamics can wreak havoc and be anything but joyful! Holding onto an abundance mindset can especially difficult when triggered by family dynamics.
So, how do you keep from being pulled into the vortex of family drama and old feelings? Of course there is no easy answer, but the natural wisdom of horses can help us learn to center ourselves and tap into our wisdom rather than becoming caught in the storm of anger, hurt, or shame.
As prey animals, horses are acutely aware of their environment and quickly react to things that disrupt their sense of safety. When they are faced with unexpected, unfamiliar obstacles or scary movements such as a tarp flapping in the wind or tree branch breaking, horses run away. Then they stop, pause, and turn toward what intruded on their safety. In this calmer state, they become curious and will actually walk over to see what it was that was so scary – “Oh wow, it was only a tarp, I don’t want anything to do with it, but I can go back to grazing.” Now, of course, this isn’t the case with a predator. When something is that threatening, it is time to run away and stay away.
Similarly, when we are faced with an interaction that disrupts our sense of safety we need to listen to our internal signals and get distance in order to gain perspective. Definitely, if something is life threatening we need to run like hell. But often we humans do the same thing with emotional triggers and end up in a place of shame, blame, or disconnection. Rather than continuing to “run” in a place of reactivity, when we pause and calm down we are able to move into our highest adult level of functioning. From this place we can be curious and see things and people for what they are – “Wow, it’s so hard that my dad doesn’t know how to relate in a loving, supportive way;” Or, “It’s sad that my mother feels so lonely and inadequate that she has to be overly involved and controlling in my life.” While we can’t change others, when we change our reactions we create a different dynamic and can avoid getting pulled into the emotional storm.
Moving from reactivity to curiosity and thoughtful action takes practice and it helps to have a game plan. So, as you get ready for those holiday gatherings identify your triggers and make a plan for how you can get some distance and perspective.
Some helpful hints:
- Take deep breaths.
- Walk into the other room and count to 10.
- Take a walk around the block.
- Be curious.
- Remind yourself of what you know about your loved one’s emotional limitations.
- Consider what action you can take that will help you stay clear of the storm.
- Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.
- Re-read our article on Abundance to help you stay out of a negative, scarcity mindset.
Remember, shifting a lifetime of patterns takes time, so be gentle with yourself.
If you get stuck, just think, “What would the horses do?”
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