How to Say what you mean and Mean what you say – Tips for clear communication.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” ― George Bernard Shaw

We all know how important communication is, but despite being aware of this fact, good communication can be hard to come by. For many, communicating needs and feelings is uncomfortable or even scary depending on the circumstances. Others may think that they are communicating clearly but find that they aren’t getting the results they should with clear communication. Sometimes emotion gets in the way and we forget how to communicate entirely!  Strong, clear, engaging communication not only strengthens relationships and helps create more harmony, it allows us, the communicators, to feel heard. A sense of freedom and openness comes with effective communicating, leading to an overall sense of greater satisfaction, confidence and joy.

Follow these 6 tips for Better Communication:

#1 –  Listen more – An integral part of good communication is good LISTENING. Notice your listening style: Are you actually listening?  Check out your body language, are you making eye-contact? Is your body posture open and welcoming or closed off?  Where is your focus? Are you fully focused on the speaker or is something else drawing your attention. Would you be able to repeat or summarize what the other person is saying or are you too busy with your own thoughts? Being a good listener not only ensures that you have a better understanding of what is being said, it helps you avoid assumptions and judgments by paying attention to what is really happening rather than your own story about it. Additionally, giving the speaker your true attention makes them feel more at ease, welcomed and respected and they’ll be more likely to return the favor.  Acknowledge the speaker with brief verbal cues or by nodding, but don’t take over.

#2 – Think before you speak – This may seem like a no-brainer but often we get so caught up in the moment, the situation or the emotions that we forget this important step. Other times, we may just be on auto-pilot or speaking for the sake of filling the silence. Take a moment to really think about what you’re trying to say before you say it. Have a clear intention about what it is you mean to accomplish with your communication. Are your words are in alignment with your true feelings and your ultimate desire or underlying intention?  Getting in the habit of checking in with WHY you are speaking can help keep your communication clear and effective.

#3 – Be honest –Is your communication authentic? Are you being honest with yourself and whomever you’re speaking with?  We speak for many different reasons, usually it’s to communicate a message, but sometimes more subtle, even subconscious, purposes may be driving us.  Are you actually trying to make a certain impression, or make someone feel a certain way?  Try not to let other factors or feelings cloud the heart of your message. Without authenticity and honesty there’s no clear message.

#4 – Be Mindful –  Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can be used during any exchange. When we are paying attention to our own words, feelings and experience, we give ourselves more opportunities to choose the actions that we take: what we say, how we say it, etc. When we lose mindful awareness of what’s going on within our own selves, it’s easy to get swept away by emotion, speak without thinking, or have an inauthentic agenda.

#5 – Allow silence –  A lot is communicated in the silence between words – good communication allows for this silence rather than trying to cover it up with words that have no purpose. Body language and energy play a large role in the messages we relay to one another. Just look at the horses, they are constantly picking up on our non-verbal cues and reacting to them (which is what makes them such great teachers!)  Don’t be afraid of the silence, be like the horses and use your keen instinctual awareness to feel into the tone of the moment and only speak when you have a clear reason to.

#6 – Lead with Compassion – When communicating in conflict it can be hard to remember to bring compassion into the mix, but it is all the more important to do so when interactions get edgy. Having compassion for the person we are interacting with will help keep the conversation on the level. Part of being compassionate is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. When we actively work to do this, we increase our capacity to understand what they are trying to communicate even if their words fall short. Compassion gives us a greater intention of peace and harmony — which can help keep tempers from rising and keep us from saying things we might not really mean. Having compassion for our own selves, too, helps us remember to speak our truth and that it’s worthy of our expression.