As a newborn babies, we’re completely connected with who we are — our needs and feelings. As toddlers, we’re naturally drawn to things that pique our interest and feel good. But as we get older, we internalize messages about who we should be and how we should behave. We learn to ignore our intuitive nature and disconnect from our core authentic selves in order to “fit in.” This socialization may continue throughout our lives, unless we actively seek to reconnect with the genuine parts of ourselves.
A key component of personal growth is discovering and reconnecting with our authentic selves. Through this process we can increase our self-confidence, create more satisfying relationships, enhance our creativity, and gain zest for life. But how can you tell if you’re being your authentic self?
Below are 8 questions you can ask yourself at any time for a quick authenticity check:
#1 – How easily are you able to make a decision?
When we’re in alignment with our authentic self we know the answer to what we truly want and what is best for us. Yes, we are still aware of other factors that can make decision-making challenging, but we know the answers that are best for us. Where we run into difficulty making a decision is when all of the other factors in play obscure the simplicity of our authentic choice. It’s why some decisions are so much easier than others – choosing the flavor of ice cream you’d like versus choosing a career path.
How we make our choices, or the level difficulty we have making choices, is an indicator as to whether or not we are being true to our authentic nature.
How do you make your choices? Do you make choices based primarily on the reaction of others – in order to “fit in”, “please” or avoid confrontation? It is natural to take these things into consideration when making a decision but when you are in alignment with your authentic self, your true desires will become clearer and your choices will come easier, whether big decision or little.
#2 – Do you speak the truth? Everyone tells the occasional “white lie” every now and then, right? Or do they? Take a moment to really ask yourself – how often do you bend the truth? Not only to others but to yourself – how honest is your interpretation of a situation once it’s happened? Does the story shift little by little after you replay it in your head & allow your emotions to have their own interpretation? Are there embellishments when you tell it aloud to others?
Skewing of facts that you deep down know to be true, is a telltale sign that you’ve momentarily lost sight of your authentic self.
Your authentic self has no reason to bend the truth, but sometimes, we forget and don’t notice that our subtle mistruths are pulling us away from the ultimate truth of our authentic self. Bending of the truth usually happens because of insecurity or fear of consequences surrounding a choice or action that we “regret”. We’re not proud of what we’ve done and rather than owning up to our mistake we shift away from the truth. If you feel the need to modify the truth to others, even in small matters, you’re not taking responsibility for your choices & actions (past, present or future) and it’s likely you’re not happy with them either. Your authentic self does not hide the truth even if it’s less than you’d hoped for, but instead recognizes where you could have done something differently for a better outcome and owns up to any missteps in order to stay aware and commit to making better choices next time. The authentic self allows you to be yourself, flaws and all.
#3 – Are your actions in alignment with your values?
What are you doing? Take a look at your actions & choices on a daily basis – at any time you can ask yourself “Is this in alignment with my values?” If the answer is yes then you’re on the right track, but if the answer is no then it’s pretty certain that you’re not currently being your authentic self – there are other factors at play that are determining your actions. Keeping a clear sense of your personal values & checking in to see if your actions match up is a great way to stay authentic. Continuing to commit to those values with each choice you make will keep you connected to your authentic self.
#4 – Is your “critical voice” barking orders at you?
The “critical voice”, it’s that very loud, often nagging, voice in your head that tells you what you “NEED” to do or what you’re “NOT doing right!” Let’s be honest, it can be downright mean! Sometimes it berates you with incessant “shoulda, coulda, woulda”s other times it taunts you, rambling all of the possible “could be”s, “should be”s and “what if”s. This is NOT your authentic voice. Your authentic voice speaks much more softly. It also speaks kindly, supportively and clearly. If you notice that your critical voice is screaming frantically at you then you are probably having a lot of trouble hearing your authentic one. Ignore your critical voice for a moment, or better yet, ask it to take 5 so you can listen to the silence underneath it. Once you’re there, you’ll be able to hear your authentic voice patiently waiting its turn to advise you.
#5 – Is the answer to “who are you?” what you do?
Your authentic self is more than just what you do or what you’ve accomplished. It’s who you are without all of those external things – the core of YOU. If you’re having trouble answering the question “who are you?” or find that all of the answers you are coming up with are qualifiers that could be listed on your resume, this is a good indicator that you’ve lost touch with the real YOU. Take some time to remind yourself of who you are – remember yourself as a child, reconnect with the things you love, sit still and listen very carefully to your authentic voice, it knows who you are better than anyone.
#6 – Do you wish you were doing something different than what you are doing now?
If you’re not feeling satisfied with your life on a daily basis then something is amiss. When what you’re doing doesn’t match up with what you want to be doing you’re actions are probably not being guided by your authentic self. When we’re authentic, we make the choices that are best for us and take actions that are in alignment with our values. Even if we’re doing something that isn’t our favorite thing to do, we can still find value in our choice if it is made with authenticity. We’ve chosen to do what we are doing now for a higher purpose and can therefore stand behind our choice – it’s what we WANT to be doing now. When we are being our authentic self we make choices that lead us to loving what we do and feeling satisfied with our life on a day to day basis.
#7 – Do you feel unexplainable Anxiety, Stress, Fear or Confusion?
Everybody has bad days and low points. Stress may creep in, an argument with a loved one or major life change can have us feeling anxious or upset, but if we are having these feelings and aren’t sure WHY we feel this way, we can be sure that we’ve lost touch with our authentic self. In times of trouble, our authentic self serves as a guide to self-discovery. Self-awareness is what helps us determine why we feel the way we do and what might be causing these feelings. Sometimes there’s a legitimate reason that is fairly easy to uncover but other times anxiety or stress may be popping up for no apparent reason. The reason may be deeper than the surface and require more soul-searching and uncovering that can’t be done without getting real and connecting to the authentic you. The reason may also just be that you’re not connected to you. When we’re disconnected from our authentic self it’s like walking in shoes that just don’t fit – there’s bound to be discomfort. Noticing that you’ve lost touch with your authentic self is the first step to reconnecting with it and teaming up with that part of you that knows best how to ease your pain.
#8 – How often do you ask questions?
Curiosity and thinking critically are defining factors in finding & being your authentic self. When we ask questions, we are exploring the world and our experience in it more deeply – we are paying attention to details so that we can gain a real understanding of what’s going on around us. When we stop asking questions, it’s a sign that we’ve grown content to accept what’s presented to us regardless of whether we fully understand it. Your authentic self is curious, it wants to be involved and to know all of the pieces of the puzzle and put them together to determine our truths. When you’re forming your own opinions of the world, you decipher reality for yourself instead of letting others do it for you. Being present and awake to the world and forming your own opinions and ideas are ways in which your authentic self can thrive.
Now that you’ve asked yourself these questions, chances are your authentic self has perked up quite a bit. Keep exploring and asking questions of yourself and the world around you. Check in with your authentic self to see if your actions are in alignment with your authentic desires and notice the difference when you and your authentic self are existing as one. You may find yourself living a happier life!
Sources:
http://www.goodlifecoaching.com/CreativeLife20.html
photo credit: “curious horses” Pat Dollins.
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