What does connection mean to you? How does being connected make you feel? Human beings naturally crave connection and when we feel like we are disconnected in some way it can be uncomfortable and even scary. Not being connected also makes us feel separate, which can lead to feelings of isolation, fear and even danger. As a tribe society, it is natural for us to gravitate towards connecting with one another and to feel discomfort when we feel cut off.
Being connected gives us a sense of safety, peace and belonging. However, many of us don’t realize that it is the act of connection itself that brings about these comfortable feelings, not necessarily who or what we are connecting with specifically. The same positive effects can be achieved whether connecting with other beings (human or animal), with your Authentic Self or with a higher power outside of yourself such as God, the Universe, or nature.
We can connect deeply with any of these visible or invisible forces and in doing so experience the satisfaction that connection brings and potentially discover even more benefits such as purpose, direction, inner wisdom, confidence, trust, compassion and love. Give it a try and see what actively connecting brings to you.
Here are 6 steps to help you achieve a deeper state of connection with yourself and others:
#1 – Be Present.
Where are you now? Are you in your head, thinking about what happened earlier or what you need to do later? Are you aware? Are you awake? If you’re not here, in this present moment, it’s not possible to connect with anyone you are with or anything that is happening right now. Recognize yourself in this moment, pause any distracting thoughts and take a look around you. Really look, really notice, really feel what is here and now. Connect with this moment – use all of your senses, don’t leave any out. What do you see, hear, touch, smell, feel? Recognize it, notice it, connect with it. No need to judge or have extra thoughts about it. There’s nothing extra you need to do, just witness and allow. Once you are present, here in the moment, you will be more able to make the active choice to connect with anything that’s here in this moment with you – people, experience, your feelings, your Self, the energy of life around you. Sometimes we don’t even notice when we’re not present, it’s like we’re floating about being carried by the unconscious. Anchor into this moment and see just how much you can connect.
#2 – Listen.
Did you hear me? Do you understand? Connecting with others is largely about listening. Really paying attention and making a conscious effort to hear what the other is saying. Not to make assumptions based on previous experience or guess what might be coming as so many of us habitually do in an effort to make short cuts. Stop. Just listen. Simple as that, nothing else. Listen to your friend when they are speaking words, listen to them when they are silent. Listen to the unspoken language of the world around you. Make time to listen intently enough to yourself that you can hear your quiet intuition, underneath your loud thoughts, the deep knowing of your authentic nature. Deep, focused, active listening is a simple form of connection.
#3 – Focus.
Connection requires focus. It is true that we can focus on more than one thing at a time, but splitting our focus, shifting back & forth between focal points makes true connection much harder.
It is easiest to start with a single focus and expand from there; and incredibly important to pay close attention to whether you are maintaining focus. Focusing is an action – we must put energy and intention behind it. When we focus on a specific subject, we are making a conscious effort to put our attention on that thing. We are giving it our energy, our time, our effort. Connection is just one more extension of that concentrated focus and comes easily when we are focused on that which we want to connect with. Practicing the ability to focus, in turn strengthens our ability to connect. Pay attention to your own ability to focus and work on becoming a master.
#4 – Be Open.
If you reach for someone’s hand and there’s a door in the way, will you be able to grab their hand? Not unless you open the door. To connect you must be open. When we are blocking or resisting our experience, it’s like being inside of a dark house with all of the doors, windows and blinds closed. We cannot see or connect with the outside. Push aside the blinds, fling open the windows, unlatch the door. Let go of any barriers, judgements and thoughts that may be keeping you from connecting to what is. Allow. Connection is real, direct experience. It may not always feel pleasant. It may bring up emotions and reality that we are trying to avoid, but usually it’s the avoidance that is causing us more pain than the experience itself. If you want to connect, you must open to it.
#5 – Feel the invisible.
Close your eyes. What do you feel? What do you sense? What do you know? Recognize all that exists that you cannot see with your eyes. There is a world beyond our physical senses. The realm of the intangible, the invisible, the energetic force we can’t quite explain but we experience and know that it’s there. Connect with this underlying current. Notice its quiet existence. Notice the way that it affects you. Where does it connect with you? Does it influence you? Does it support you? Does it give you peace? Does it stir up emotions? How does it make you feel? Can you feel it anywhere in your body or your mind? Can you still notice it with your eyes open? There are no wrong answers here. It is what it is to you. Take some time to pay attention and connect with this invisible force. It is always there.
#6 – Recognize Oneness.
We are all made up of the same stuff. When you break it down far enough, everything that you come in contact with, everything that exists in the universe is all the same energy on the atomic level. There are no boundaries, no limitations at this base, source level. When we recognize the truth of existence at this foundational, fundamental level, underneath everything that you think you see on top of it, the realization is there that you are fully and totally connected with everything. You are the same as it. You are one with it all. When we can recognize our oneness with all that is, we are also able to realize that we are connected without even trying. We only need to remember that we are a part of a whole and cannot be separated from that whole no matter what we do. We only think that we are separate and disconnected because we are focusing on particular physical or mental conditions that exist on top of this fundamental truth. We can forget that despite any condition we may experience, we are still connected and we need only to remember this to feel connected once more.
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