I was sitting in a coffee shop yesterday and overheard a conversation between two young women. One was saying how angry she was after her annual evaluation at work. She thought her boss “liked her” she said. This statement led down the rabbit hole with the two women assessing and agreeing every small irritation they had accumulated — some small, some personal, some financial. For example, Alice “always” gets the best leads, that is why she is top sales this month. Joe got the promotion “I should have had”, The sales team doesn’t understand how hard we work in processing, etc. The conversation was a litany of wrongs done to them, I heard no solutions , just a lot of blaming, judging and wining.
There are 9 popularly recommended steps to achieving forgiveness in the workplace. Since many of us already feel overworked, 9 steps may seem like too many. If you’re willing to take a look at even a few and see what you could do to forgive, you may find a shift in your feelings towards those people you are so resentful at. I like the 8thstep which states, “Rewrite your grievance story. You create a grievance story when you talk about a situation as a victim, blame someone else, take something personally or continue thinking about what happened over and over. Make the decision to forgive and stop reliving your grievance story so you can move forward.”
Achieving workplace forgiveness allows you to be happier at work and more flexible when others hurt or offend you. It also helps you to develop positive work relationships and use your energy to reach both your personal and career goals. Here are 9 steps towards achieving that forgiveness.
- Recognize what about the situation made you upset. Talk to someone you trust about what happened and express your frustration, recognizing that what your coworker did, or is continuing to do, is not OK.
- Commit to feeling better about the situation. Anger about a workplace conflict, especially one you have no control over, only makes things worse. Promise yourself that you’ll do whatever it takes to feel better, whether it’s practicing relaxation techniques, limiting your interaction with that person or even taking up a new hobby that makes you happy. Forgiveness is about you, not anyone else.
- Understand your goal of workplace happiness. Remember that your goal is to feel better, not to reconcile with the person who upset you or condone their actions. Doing this helps you focus on your happiness rather than trying to fix the situation.
- Keep perspective. Recognize that you’re distressed because you’re feeling angry or hurt now, not as a result of what offended you a few days or even a few years ago. Address your current feelings and leave the past behind you.
- Figure out how to calm yourself down in a healthy way. Exercise, meditation or hobbies that stimulate your mind and help you unwind are great ways to refocus your energy and let your anger and frustration go.
- Recognize your unenforceable rules. An unenforceable rule is a law you create that you don’t really have the power to control, such as telling yourself that you worked really hard, so you will be promoted. Realize what you can control and what you can’t.
- Find a positive goal. Instead of replaying what happened over and over, figure out a new, positive way to get what you want, whether it’s a promotion, a raise or more respect from your coworkers.
- Rewrite your grievance story. You create a grievance story when you talk about a situation as a victim, blame someone else, take something personally or continue thinking about what happened. Make the decision to forgive and stop reliving your grievance story.
- Change the way you look at your coworkers and your workplace. Train yourself to focus on the good aspects of your job and what your leaders and coworkers do well, instead of dwelling on negative feelings stirred up by your experiences.
Sources: https://comphealth.com/resources/employer-resources/workplace-forgiveness/